I’ve found that if I rock at the right speed the shakes will stop. So I have two ways of looking like an idiot. I can shake or I can rock. The trick...is finding the right speed because each set of shakes is different. I also discovered how hard it is to write my name. That’s new. There’s this thing I have to do with my body where I have to tell it what I want to do then wait a bit before I try it then I can usually do it. So I had to decide I wanted to write my name wait a second or so then set. “Yes, Fred. He is paying a lot of attention to me these days. I think I can give him a chance,” I said. “I don’t have a problem in being with you,” Ryan said. “Say you don’t have a problem in fucking me, you know I like things dirty,” I said, as I teased him again by rubbing my feet against his inner thighs. “Yah, I have no problem in fucking you, but sometimes…” he said what I wanted to hear. “Forget about that ‘sometimes’, don’t get emotional here. I don’t like it,” I said. “Then how about if. It’s not supposed to be this way, I’m not supposed to be going first. I’m not ready. I look down and all I see are stick arms and stick legs. I look to the first girl to the right, and she is hugging her long, tan, pockmarked legs and sniffing the air around me. And I look further down the circle and they are all looking at me. At me. And what they see are sticks and bones. Sticks and stones. No, skin and bones. I hate this part of me that isn’t in control. ‘I – I don’t think I can do this,. Why are you crying Michael? This is what you want isn't it? To live and work as a female?" My head popped up, and out came, "What!" "I'm sure its true Michael, based on the number of times you wore Claire's clothes!" Shocked that mother knew about my dressing up as a girl, and afraid of what I might blurt out, I kept my mouth shut. "I said I would help you if you let me Michael, and I think that you should practice dressing every day after work, and each weekend from now until the day when you.
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